when you just can’t ignore things any longer. I’m there.
I have no focus. I can’t concentrate. I want to sleep ALL day long. Everything is all about me and none of it is good. There is still joy but it’s spotty…not connected in long ribbons of contentedness that scroll right straight through from the minute I open my eyes until I fall asleep at night. I don’t think I’ve felt this consistently bad since my late 20s.
Of course, there’s always a silver lining and I have a couple. No migraines since April — can you say Praise God!? Also I know what’s happening and I know I have to deal with it. I have a goal and some ideas about how to get there (c’mon December!)…now I need to find the intestinal fortitude to build a plan and follow it. Thank goodness I have a secure home, the world’s best husband and the luxury of a safe place to be depressed…I can’t imagine how it must be to feel this shitty when you live on the margin.
I am blaming all of this on losing all the contacts in my phone when it crashed the second time after NEVER syncing successfully with Outlook. I am using a “between” phone right now which makes me laugh because it has more features than my first cell but it seems so primitive compared to what I’ve used lately. If you know anyone who has an AT&T Blackberry they’re looking to get rid of, let me know! Because if a phone can fix this feeling, then I’m all about replacing the stupid phone.
Sorry to be a bummer on Monday morning, but there it is. Prayers are always appreciated.